


Naked Dancing is Never the Answer

by leveragehunters (Monkeygreen)



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, I meant: Steve why did you think this was a good idea?, M/M, Nudity, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Relationship, Ridiculous, Silly, creative solutions to problem solving, did I say creative?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-19 07:47:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8196539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monkeygreen/pseuds/leveragehunters
Summary: Sometimes, Steve's temper gets the better of him. Sometimes that means getting into fights, sometimes it means getting into verbal slanging matches, and sometimes...well, sometimes it means dancing naked in front of a privacy invading neighbour's security cameras.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This silly little fic came about because I took a call from a bloke whose neighbour had installed security cameras that pointed into his yard. Where I live, there's nothing _at law_ you can do about it. He didn't accept that that meant there was nothing he could do, and gleefully informed me he was going to go dance naked in front of them. Kiriei said: crack fic, Hailedloco agreed, and here we are.

* * *

 

Steve loved his house. It was tiny, barely two bedrooms, more a bungalow than a house, but it was all his. It needed a lot of cosmetic work, but it was sound and strong, warm in winter and filled with swirling breezes in summer. It was everything he'd ever wanted and nothing he'd ever thought he'd have this young. He knew his neighbours weren't overly fond of his house, it was tiny and plain in the midst of their towering multi-story modern creations, but he'd never cared about what the neighbours thought.

He did care, however, when one of those neighbours put up security cameras that pointed right down into his yard, that pointed right into his living room. His home was his sanctuary; having Mr Weatherby, the ancient cliché of an old-man who lived next door, digitally invade his space pissed him off. Steve did try and talk to Mr Weatherby, but the old man had sniffed at him, said they were for security, and shut the door in his face. Steve wrote him letters: multiple letters, polite letters, then not so polite letters, then letters warning what Steve would do if he didn't tilt the cameras so they were pointing somewhere else, and they were all ignored.

All of which led him here, to this moment. Bastard wanted to invade Steve's privacy? Steve was going to give him an eyeful.

Steve marched around the side of his tiny house—tiny but perfect, tiny but loved, he _loved_ his house and those goddamned cameras were ruining that love—and eyed the cameras. He'd given Mr Weatherby every chance, he'd been reasonable, he'd bent over backwards to be accommodating only to be ignored and he'd be damned if he'd go down without a fight.

Staring straight into the lens of the closest camera, brows pulled down in a fierce glare, Steve stripped off his clothes, piece by piece. When he was completely naked, he started to dance. It wasn't elegant, he'd never been a gifted dancer, but artistic expression wasn't the point.

Steve had been dancing for a couple of minutes, was part way through a modified Macarena, when a voice rang out. "Not that I'm complaining," the voice was young and strong, not old and crotchety—internally he winced, because _Jesus Christ, Steve, poor choice of words,_ "but can I ask _why_ you're dancing naked?"

Slowly, his eyes travelled up the side of the house to the open window to see a not-old, not-wrinkled, not in any way cranky-looking, young hot guy leaning on the windowsill, a cup of coffee in one hand, hair pulled back in a messy ponytail, watching Steve with a wide smile on his face.

He felt himself go pink. The smile turned into a grin. "I've never seen anybody blush with their whole body before." The guy, whoever he was, sounded absolutely delighted.

Steve scowled. "You're not Mr Weatherby."

"And I've never been more grateful for that in my entire life."

Steve scowled harder. "But you live there."

The guy waggled a hand in the air. "Ehhhn, more or less."

"Then you know _exactly_ why I'm dancing naked," Steve snapped back.

The guy's grin faded into a look of confusion.

"And I'm going to keep doing it until you fix the problem." Steve pulled himself up to his full height and fixed the guy with a steely glare. "And I can get worse."

The guy opened his mouth but Steve didn't give him a chance to speak, just turned on his heel and stomped off, leaving his clothes where they'd dropped, mad enough he didn't care that he was naked as the day he was born. He hoped the cameras got a good view because whoever the guy was, the place hadn't been sold and there was no way Mr Weatherby was going to take kindly to Steve's bare ass and other key bits of anatomy showing up on video.

 

* * *

 

"Good morning," the guy called the next day, once more leaning on the windowsill.

"The cameras are still up."

He looked from Steve to the cameras. "Yes?"

"Right." Steve nodded once, feeling the rush of anger that had carried him through so many things—admittedly often incredibly stupid things—in his life. Quickly, so he wouldn't have time to think about what he was doing, he got naked and proceeded to dance.

"Once again not objecting, but is there a reason for this?"

"You know the reason."

"I don't think I do," the guy said, but Steve ignored him. After an admittedly not very graceful version of the Cha Cha slide, in which he determinedly kept his back to the stupidly handsome guy, he gathered up his clothes and stomped back into the house.

"See you tomorrow," the guy called after him.

 

* * *

 

This went on for three more days. Steve worked his way through the Time Warp, the Hustle and, running out of options, the Chicken Dance, much to the guy's amusement.

On day four it was raining and Steve decided, mad or not, there were limits. He stayed in the house, living room drapes firmly pulled shut.

On day five he stomped outside, glared at the cameras and was relieved to see there was no sign of the guy in the window.

He nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of a throat clearing behind him. He whirled around to find the guy leaning on the fence.

"Seeing as I feel like I know you fairly well by this point, I thought I'd introduce myself. I'm James Barnes, but everyone I like calls me Bucky." He grinned. "Please call me Bucky. And there's a couple of things you might want to know."

Steve stared at him, leaning on Steve's fence, hair flowing in the breeze like he'd escaped from a movie set, grey eyes bright and amused, and his eyes narrowed. "All I need to know is that those cameras are still up. They're pointing right into my living room, right into my yard. I've left half a dozen letters in the mailbox, asking for them to be moved. I was polite. I offered to put cameras up on my side of the fence if security's that much of a concern, but no. Nothing. Not a single response. There may not be anything I can do about them, it might not be illegal, but I can damn well make sure if they're going to be invading my privacy? That they get an eyeful."

Bucky looked a little dazed in the face of Steve's rant, but he rallied. "Okay, noted, but if I could talk now?"

Steve gave a curt nod.

"Mr Weatherby's on vacation."

"He is?"

"Yes. I'm the housesitter. "

"You are?"

He nodded. "And I also don't have a key to the mailbox." He grimaced. "Mr Weatherby doesn't trust anyone to collect his mail. It's all being held at the post office."

"Oh." Steve had a sinking feeling deep in his gut.

"Mmmm." Bucky looked more amused than anything else.

"Really?" Steve asked.

"Yeah."

"So the letters I wrote?"

"Never seen a single one. But I'd be happy to shift the cameras. I doubt Mr Weatherby's going to notice."

"Ah." Steve looked away.

"On a scale of one to ten, how much of an asshole do you feel right now?"

Steve blew out a breath and squared his shoulders, meeting Bucky's eyes. "I'm not sure you can actually calculate that using modern math," he said sheepishly. "Sorry."

Bucky grinned. "Never mind. It's not like I haven't been compensated."

Steve went scarlet.

"You are stupidly cute when you blush, I hope you know that."

Steve wouldn't have thought it was possible, but he blushed harder. Bucky shook his head. "I don't get it. You literally paraded, no, you _danced_ around naked in front of me and now you're blushing like a school kid."

"I didn't know you were there!"

"That might fly for the first time, but all the rest...you knew I was there."

"That was different!" Steve made a helpless gesture with his hands. "It was for a good reason. I was mad!"

"Too cute," Bucky sighed. "So since, all evidence to the contrary, you seem to be kind of," he waggled his hand, "shyish, does this mean I'm going to have to date you if I want to see you naked again?"

Steve's brain skittered through so many possible responses they crashed together in a traffic jam and flatlined his vocal cords. Bucky kept looking at him, head tilted slightly, waiting patiently. "Have to?" he finally settled on.

Bucky grinned. "Want to. Both the dating and the seeing you naked."

"I could get behind that."

"Oh good, because I definitely want to see your behind." He paused. "Again."

"Will you stop that?" Steve knew his ears were going pink, but he couldn't keep the laughter out of his voice.

"Nope. But if it makes you feel any better, I already erased all the video."

"Really?"

Bucky nodded. "It felt a bit creepy having naked videos of someone I wanted to ask on a date. Especially when I didn't even know your name." He lifted his eyebrows. "That's your cue to tell me your name."

"Oh, right! I'm Steve. Steve Rogers." He rubbed the back of his neck, head tilted slightly. "Are you sure you want to go on a date with me? I'm not actually very good at it."

"I'm sure." Bucky's grin softened into something warm, something that made Steve's heart skip a beat. "Even if I knew I'd never get to see you naked again."


End file.
